I Shall Believe
by LaJiggles
Summary: A short look at the time between Celebrian's attack and when she departed for Aman.


Disclaimer: Yes, I own them. I bought them on Ebay. You all owe me massive amounts of money!!!! Ok, I'm delusional, and you get the idea.

Summary: The time between Celebrían's attack and her departure for Aman. Short vignettes strung together by the song "I Shall Believe" by Sheryl Crow.

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I Shall Believe

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Come to me now, and lay your hands over me. Even if it's a lie, say it will be alright, and I shall believe.

Celebrían lay in a haze of confusion. Long ago she had disconnected from reality, begging for release, begging for death. Yet she knew from the pain in her body that she was not in the Halls of Mandos. The pain was too real for death. Afraid to open her eyes and see what may be, she lay still, gathering the courage to speak.

"Where am I?" she finally gasped. She felt warm, comforting, familiar hands on her shoulders, pulling her into a gentle embrace.

"Celebrían," was all the voice replied, sounding both relieved and amazed all at once.

"I am not dead?" she asked, confused.

"No, my love," Elrond replied. "Not dead, but home, here in Imladris. And safe." Celebrían sighed with relief and Elrond laid her gently back on the bed.

"All is well then?" she asked, opening her eyes to look upon her lover's face.

"Yes," he replied, smiling, "All is well." His heart betrayed him however, and Celebrían could feel the worry that rested there, yet she had neither the strength nor the will to understand it.

"Quiet now, my love, you have been through an ordeal and need rest." Celebrían closed her eyes and found the world of dreams again, feeling her husband's comforting presence with her the entire time.

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I'm broken in two, and I know you're on to me...

Celebrían's body had healed quickly enough, but she was still haunted by images from her capture. Torment and despair filled her dreams and she could find no joy in life.

Elrond did everything possible to make his wife's life easier, but to no avail. She was lost to him, now residing in a world of pain and fear. When he touched, she recoiled. The memory of her capture was ingrained in her mind. He knew when she closed her eyes she saw it, and he knew he could not help her. As much as it hurt to know, he was now of little use to his wife. Her demons were hers to deal with and all he could do was attempt to comfort her.

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But I do believe, that not everything is gonna be the way you think it oughta be. It seems like every time I try to make it right it all comes down on me.

Celebrían's struggle with her pain and her memories was becoming more than she could bear. Elrond had healed the wounds of her body, but he could not heal the wounds of her soul, no matter how hard he tried. She had become disconnected from the world around her, and she had become disconnected from him.

She tried desperately to regain her place in the world, and her love of that world, yet the pain was too strong. Celebrían's vision of the world had been tarnished, as had her love for everything in it. She still felt love for her husband, her children, and her parents, but this was no longer enough. She needed to be healed; she needed to be able to forget. There was only one way to do this. One way to find the peace she needed.

"I must leave," she told her husband, but he needed no words to know this. He saw it in her eyes long before she spoke the words. A look from her told him all that he needed. He knew she needed peace, and he knew she needed happiness. And, as much as it pained him to admit it, she could find neither here, in their home, any longer.

"Go," he whispered. "Go, for we shall meet again." For the first time in months she allowed herself to be touch, and he held her in his arms.

"Thank you," she whispered through her tears.

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Open the door, and show me your face tonight. I know it's true, no one heals me like you, and you hold the key. Never again would I turn away from you. I'm so heavy tonight, but your love is alright, and I do believe.

It was her last night in Imladris. The decision had been made months ago, but Elrond had found it harder, rather than easier, to bear with the passing time. And now time was gone. He had always thought, believed, they would have forever together. Immortality leads to security, though, and that security had led him to ignorance. He had been ignorant of the fact that his wife would or could ever leave him and, despite the knowledge that they would eventually be together, he was finding the thought of separation unbearable.

"Your heart is heavy, herven," Celebrían whispered in his ear. He turned to face her.

"As is yours," he replied. "But your pain shall soon be mended." She took his arm and led him to their bed, where they had shared two and a half millennia of marriage.

"If I have any power over you, so too shall yours," she whispered seductively. Elrond drank in every aspect of her: her hair, her smile, the way her eyes shone in the light, her scent, the feel of her skin, the sound of her voice. If they were to be separated, he would at least be left with fond memories.

"We shall meet again," she said, "And you shall be in my heart and my mind until that day." And that night, for the first time in many months and the last time in many years, they made love.

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Please say, honestly you won't give up on me, and I shall believe

The time had come and Elrond held his wife closely. She had said her goodbyes to her children and parents, but this was the most bitter parting of all.

"Please do not allow yourself to suffer, Elrond," she whispered into his ear, fighting the tears that had already begun to form. "This parting shall be happy. I cannot bear to leave you unhappy." Elrond, for Celebrían's sake, forced a smile and wiped her tears away.

"I shall be happy then," he assured her. "And I shall look with great happiness towards the day of our next meeting."

"You shall ever be in my heart, herven."

"And you in mine, herves." He kissed her softly and then she mounted her horse and rode off, not turning back for fear she would not be able to leave.

"Elen síla lúmenn omentielvo," Elrond whispered as he watched his beloved wife ride away from him, knowing not when that meeting would be.

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And I shall believe...

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herven - husband

herves - wife

Elen síla lúmenn' omentielvo - a star shines on the hour of our meeting (Quenyan)


End file.
